Sunday, June 14, 2009

Why all the secrecy...

Close friends and others who come to this blog will spot quickly that I am operating under other than my actual name, despite openly posting mine and Dreamweavers pictures and so forth. The reason is that, being gay and half in, half out of the closet, we have made sure that a casual search could not lead, say, my father to my blog. He is a wonderful man in his early eighties, who I am very close to, but who is also virantly homophobic and rightwing paranoid conservative. The news that his beloved Christian daughter is also gay, and pagan (you might term me an Episcopagan!) would very likely break and destroy our relationship. Also I do a lot of my mural painting in churches, and will be setting up an artist's website soon to build business. Note the key word "church" there. I have actually been very fortunate that one church I have worked for and came out to embraced me and welcomed me. But I can't count on every church being like that. One other church dismissed any further mural work, after leadership changed and I feel that it was very much about my being gay. So...consider this a second identity where I can express all things about myself without reservation or concern.
Maybe one day not too far in the future as things change, all things may merge and not have to be hidden.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. The problem about sharing a computer is that I forget to sign in under my own name. I deleted the above comment so I could sign it!

    We've talked many times about the pros and cons of coming out. I think you have already risked much by taking me to your parents’ home. Heck, they give us matching gifts. They obviously accept the permanence of the relationship and the value of us being together. They have said many wonderful things to me about how much they appreciate my presence in your life. My parents have reciprocated the sentiment. Good southern manners have been met in the welcome and kindness. It would be rude to push them any further into confronting the "gay issue". They have already made us welcome. While they may not define our relationship as "gay" they do define it as "together". No sense in turning away such generosity and graciousness.

  3. That is so true, regarding our parents. And our being together and our love for each other is being acknowlegded and honored even if it isn't by name, so to speak. It really is a wonderful thing. However...sometimes I look at what I / we stand to lose should we end up Out of the closet, either by deliberate choice or by "accident". And it gets real scary for me. Something that I leave in God's hands whenever I feel my fear of it rising. I remember how losing some of the friends I lost when I came out the first time...Teresa in particular. It has taken the entire 11 years since that day to make piece with the loss of her love and friendship. And as dearly as I loved her as though a sister, I had less invested in that relationship than in the one I have with my dad. So if losing Teresa broke my heart that badly, i cannot imagine dealing with the scenario with my parents.
    So yes, I am content for things to be as they are. Someday that may change.
    But I have one thing now that I did not then...and that was you in my life. Whatever happens, I know that together it would be alright eventually, whatever happens. Thanks for being on the Labyrinth path with me!
    I love you!

  4. I love what you've done with the place! I have to point something out, however - in re: your privacy concerns, you need to develop better blogger's reflexes, darling. Methinks you SEVERELY underestimate the power of Google-Fu.

    When it comes to personal stuff (as opposed to describing, say, the cave you visited or some famous person or author, i.e. PUBLIC details) here are the basic things to remember:

    No last names, EVER.
    Place names only when absolutely necessary.
    First names only, or better yet, initials. Those who know will know who/where/what you're talking about, those who don't know don't need to know, and it won't interrupt the flow of your story.

    Sounds restrictive, but once you develop the reflexes you won't even think about it.

    Much love,
    The Masked Avenger

  5. Or you realize at some point, at some level it's not worth fighting and hiding...that just being should be enough. It rarely is, but it should be.

    Your parents. They accept both of you into their house. They accept that you love one another. They accept that you will be together for the rest of your life, and they accept that this relationship is stronger and better than any you have had in the past.

    What more could you ask? Are you so defined by a label that you can't accept love without it? I doubt that, listening to you. Definitions and labels are for others. They know you are lovers. But by not using that one word they can remain in their world and still be in yours as well.

    Blessed be.