Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Walking a Pet Peeve...'s one of my pet peeves. (lets get it on the leash and take it for a walk...)

INEVITABLY from someone I haven't seen in awhile..."Oh, it Wordweaving? Are you still together?"ARGGGHHH! Wordweaving and I have been together for 7 years, and are half way through year 8. We wear matching rings (that I proposed with). We refer to each other as wife. If I could legally marry her, I'd be at the court house and my church in five and ten minutes respectively - well, maybe a little more than that - there are speed limits and distances involved. But the automatic assumption behind this is that GLBT relationships will not last, and so you are expecting to hear about the tragic break up any minute. *headdeskthud* Not to mention not remembering Wordweaving's name. Is it just me...or is this as clueless as it sounds?

I know not all relationships last. I have had 2 explode in my face with individuals that each the time I expected seriously to spend the rest of my life with. Heterosexual marriages have a freaking half fail rate. I do understand that marriages and relationships are and can be fragile things. But I don't address ANYONE in a relationship right off the bat within five minutes of reconnecting with them with the "Are you still together?" question. And my straight acquaintances do not ask that of their straight friends. It's demeaning and relegates us to not real. Not a real marriage. Not a lasting couple. Not capable of commitment.

The converse of this is "So, how long have you been together?" When patiently told the year amount, a look of awe crosses their face, like "Wow...they haven't broken up yet. They might really last." And of course, how many years do we have to be together before it "legitimizes" the relationship? *sigh*I am not as jumpy about trans questions, because I regularly put myself on the spot for them in college class rooms - have been speaking regularly to classes about transgender issues, and I welcome the questions, even the really personal ones and the clueless ones as an opportunity to educate.

So perhaps I should try to view the above idiocy as a chance to educate. Maybe that would lower my blood pressure.*sigh*


  1. Yeah, it's maddening, isn't it? When someone asks me that, I smile and say "yes, things are great" etc. And then I ask them "Are you still with [insert spouse's name here]?" Sometimes that can be a jolt for them. Sometimes not. But it's a humorous way to make the point.

  2. You rock, Debra!! We are all getting together when Cameron and I move to Oregon!!!

    What's worse is that I think Cameron gets that question more often than I do. Do I look like a flake who can't last to you??? Cameron says she gets the question because she looks more gay.

    The world is a very strange place.

  3. hmmmm...I think that if I ever have a dog I'm going to have to name him/her Peeve.......just because.

    So ....are you still with that red head?

  4. I will pretend I didn't see the "move to Oregon" comment in order that I might stay on topic here...hmmm...Okay, I'm trying...

    While I have no doubt you probably hear the question more than I do, I think the question is on the rise for all couples. For precisely the reason you cited above about marriages failing about half the time. I've been married to the same man 27 years, and I still have family members who don't remember his name, and the first question they ask me is are we still together.