Once Again, Remember This Day...

The news is full of the report. Senator Ted Kenney has died of brain cancer after a career that spanned nearly 50 years in the senate...

Mass. Sen. Edward M. Kennedy dies at age 77

By GLEN JOHNSON, Associated Press Writer Glen Johnson, Associated Press Writer – 23 mins ago
BOSTON – Sen. Edward M. Kennedy of Massachusetts, the last surviving brother in a political dynasty and one of the most influential senators in history, died Tuesday night at his home on Cape Cod after a year-long struggle with brain cancer. He was 77.
In nearly 50 years in the Senate, Kennedy served alongside 10 presidents — his brother John Fitzgerald Kennedy among them — compiling an impressive list of legislative achievements on health care, civil rights, education, immigration and more.
His only run for the White House ended in defeat in 1980. More than a quarter-century later, he handed then-Sen. Barack Obama an endorsement at a critical point in the campaign for the Democratic presidential nomination, explicitly likening the young contender to President Kennedy.
To the American public, Kennedy was best known as the last surviving son of America's most glamorous political family, father figure and, memorably, eulogist of an Irish-American clan plagued again and again by tragedy.
Kennedy's death triggered an outpouring of superlatives, from Democrats and Republicans as well as foreign leaders.
"An important chapter in our history has come to an end. Our country has lost a great leader, who picked up the torch of his fallen brothers and became the greatest United States senator of our time," Obama said in a written statement.
"For five decades, virtually every major piece of legislation to advance the civil rights, health and economic well being of the American people bore his name and resulted from his efforts," said Obama, vacationing at Martha's Vineyard off the Massachusetts coast.
Kennedy's family announced his death in a brief statement released early Wednesday.
"We've lost the irreplaceable center of our family and joyous light in our lives, but the inspiration of his faith, optimism, and perseverance will live on in our hearts forever," the statement said. "We thank everyone who gave him care and support over this last year, and everyone who stood with him for so many years in his tireless march for progress toward justice, fairness and opportunity for all."
A few hours later, two vans left the family compound at Hyannis Port in pre-dawn darkness. Both bore hearse license plates — with the word "hearse" blacked out.
There was no immediate word on funeral arrangements. Two of Kennedy's brothers, John and Robert, are buried at Arlington National Cemetery across the Potomac River from Washington.
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid of Nevada issued a statement that said, "It was the thrill of my lifetime to work with Ted Kennedy.....The liberal lion's mighty roar may now fall silent, but his dream shall never die." http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090826/ap_on_go_co/us_obit_ted_kennedy

The article goes on to speak of his life and career - he had amazing successes, bitter family tragendy ( he was the only one of the four brothers to die a natural death) and painful scandals in his life. Be you liberal, conservative, or moderate, you cannot escape that this man did much good for his country and dedicated his life to serving it.

And that may be the greatest thing about him - his passion for his country and his willingness to place his life in service to it. It is an example to us all.

Fear No More
Fear no more the heat o' the sun;
Nor the furious winter's rages,
Thou thy worldly task hast done,
Home art gone, and ta'en thy wages;
Golden lads and girls all must,
As chimney sweepers come to dust.

Fear no more the frown of the great,
Thou art past the tyrant's stroke:
Care no more to clothe and eat;
To thee the reed is as the oak:
The sceptre, learning, physic, must
All follow this, and come to dust.

Fear no more the lightning-flash,
Nor the all-dread thunder-stone;
Fear not slander, censure rash;
Thou hast finished joy and moan;
All lovers young, all lovers must
Consign to thee, and come to dust.

No exorciser harm thee!
Nor no witchcraft charm thee!
Ghost unlaid forbear thee!
Nothing ill come near thee!
Quiet consummation have;
And renowned be thy grave!

William Shakespeare

One Move Equals two Fires...part One

I am ashamed to say that this was the sad state of affairs of my art studio for quite a while. In it's defense, there was about 3 moves that occurred over time that caused this disaster. Not to mention a long period as it was building up when there was little I could do about it...I was struggling to barely walk with a cane with degenerative arthritis. But awhile back I finally got hip replacement surgery, and it was an enormous success.

Which of course meant that putting off dealing with the disaster lurking behind my studio door was suddenly NOT an option any more. It became something that MUST BE DONE. In the mean time, when I had moved over here some years back - boxes were shoved around. Dreamweaver finally was able to go and rescue stuff in storage from where she lived before - in another state! More - many more - boxes. My ex-husband but still friend over all these years passed away last fall, and we had the final duty of disposing of HIS stuff. More boxes. ( some of all of which went into a storage building on our property, which helped and we had Fiber Geek and GAFilk Friend to help us there with his stuff - and that is the story of part two of this post series! I always seem to be posting events backwards - perhaps that is because that is how life is perceived in memory...) About 3 weeks ago, or there-abouts, my dear friend Light out of the goodness of her heart let us sucker her into helping us finally, for once and for all, dig this out.

She came over on a Thursday night and we began organizing what to do. Friday morning dawned and she and I began moving boxes. First, we pulled everything OUT of the storage building and cleared it, to reorganize. Then we began pulling stuff out of the studio. Now...understand, most of what Dreamweaver and I have in boxes are books...paper back and hard back books. Between us we probably have about 4000 books. (yes, that is 3 zeroes and no, that is not a typo, as Light can now attest.) At first she was excited..."Oh cool! Books" By late Saturday, her joy as a bookworm had degenerated to "Um. Books. Yeah..." The bins with the books are, I might add, heavy. Some heavier than others. Eventually, the studio finally looked like this...some sweeping still to be done, but...we were getting there.By Monday, Lights reaction to me opening a bin and saying "Oh, surprise, books!" went something like this - "&%$@#!!" I now suspect along with paying her way to the GAFilk convention this coming winter - which is how we suckered her into doing this - I now probably owe her several, if not more therapy sessions to deal with her new found condition of Bibliophobia! Late Monday evening she went home. Exhausted, whupped and tongue dragging the ground. I would be more inordinately proud of my 47 year old self wearing out a 20 year old, except that the next day, Tuesday, I made it out of the bed as far as the computer chair in the living room, and then crawled back to bed. That was my excursion for the day! Yeeps.

I am still organizing, finding ways to shift things and arrange things. It's still a little messy, and a work in progress. However - I am painting! Instead of it being a massive jumble of stuff that stops you at the door, it is now a working artists studio, and functional...Most of my work is murals at sites else where. But it is absolutely imperative that I also function in my studio too, to produce work for sale. So, now The Barefoot Arts Studio is up and running...

I am working on a series of "cute animal" pictures based on the illustrative style I have used on the children's wing of a church school. I have been assured they should sell like the proverbial hotcakes. Feed back has been very positive from both the church, which is letting me sell the paintings there without charging a commission (!!!) and from friends and family who have seen the paintings in progress. This is the Panda bear painting - currently am working on Koala bears ( if you look close in the picture above, you can see the Koala bear painting on the easel).
Light, I want to thank you profoundly with all my heart for your cheerful willingness to work your ass off on this project - even though you seem to be very pleased with our offer to pay your way as a fair trade, I say to you, that you are owed so much more than that for your hard work, your unrelenting cheerfulness and your sense of humor which even the weight of 4ooo books could not dim. With Dreamweavers insane work and school schedule, and my own crazy hours and the limitation of some arthritis still, we could NOT have done this with out you, period. So thanks, with all our hearts for your heroic efforts above and beyond the call of duty or even friendship! We are looking forward to GAFilk with you next January! And I am sure we will all remember with fondness (or maybe not) the work we put into this to get there! We love you and never ever doubt it...we owe you, woman!

A Special Encounter

In my previous post, "A Church Under Construction" (tags : GLBT, Transgender, Spiritual Issues) I told about our heart breaking day at church this past Saturday. However, in the midst of the pain and confusion I experienced, there was a small encounter that should not go unnoticed.

We ate lunch down at the church pavilion at midday, and of course, by that time, Dreamweaver had told me of her meeting with Mother L, and I was now sitting there, stunned and shaken to the core, fighting tears, and struggling to eat. Lunch was quite good - a salad, a roast beef sandwich on Asiago Cheese bread and so forth. As I sat there and wrestled my emotions and my food, I looked to my left and there was a small grasshopper on the picnic table a matter of inches from my arm.

Me being the kind of person I am, I stopped and spoke to it. I then pulled off a tiny piece of greens from my salad (making sure that the bit did not have salad dressing on it - wasn't sure it would agree with the little guy.) and cautiously placed it in front of the grasshopper. I fully expected him to hop away at the motion of my hand; these little insects can be very shy. he didn't. He sat there and eyed my offering, motionless. So, I went back to attempting to eat. When I glanced over a moment later, he had moved forward to the leaf of salad and begun to eat it quite happily! I was thrilled...OK, yeah, it doesn't take much to light up my day - I have a low happiness threshold! Dreamweaver, by this time, as well as other people at the table were now watching our little visitor eat lunch with us.

After lunch was over, Dreamweaver and I lingered alone for a moment before catching up with everyone for the next meditation. We kind of needed to talk, given our situation with Mother L. When we rose to leave, my little grasshopper was just finishing his lunch as well - and he had eaten most of it! Now fully expecting him to hop away, I reached down my hand in front of him, and instead of leaping away at the motion of my hand, he crawled on to my fingers and began exploring his way fearlessly across my hand, nibbling very gently at my finger tips. I was amazed! Grasshoppers have a pretty high startle reflex - any motion sends them hopping. Instead, my little fellow here was practically snuggling up to me, as though thanking me for lunch. I fished my cell phone out and tossed to Dreamweaver, and she got a few pictures of our grasshopper as he communed with me.

Finally, knowing we had to go on in, I stepped over to some long grass by the verge and held my hand down to it. He still did not hop away, but very carefully, after considering where he was for a moment, stepped with great dignity off my hand onto the broad grass blade next to him. As I stood up, he became nearly invisible, his natural camouflage shape and color blending perfectly into the leaf. I could only spot him because I knew where to look. I gently bid him farewell, and thanked him for making my day a little better, for sharing food with me, for existing in this world as the little marvel he was.

I suppose in away, I was really thanking God for that moment of communion with a fellow creature that I share this world with. It was a small wondrous moment of peace, of no great importance, save that it touched my heart, and allowed me to profoundly share a part of my world with the miracle of life. We are all of us such miracles - each of us unique and precious, whether we are straight or gay - which was the issue burning a hole in my heart at that moment. All connection is sacred and holy, even when we struggle at it.

I went back up to the church, with a small measure of peace sheltered in my troubled heart, able to connect once more with others.

A Church Under Construction....

Part of me is saying to myself that this feels far bigger than it actually is, and that I have it out of proportion. The other part of me has been in tears off and on since yesterday, and does not expect to get through this post with out crying some more. However, writing things out and turning them inside out and upside down and thinking them over is a way to process and reframe and arrive at perspective and ideas for things to do. The other day, as mentioned in an earlier post on about Labyrinth, and the new look on my blog, we - Dreamweaver and myself - went to a "Quiet Day" at our church. Our church has a new sanctuary and has been under construction ( see the picture above), which is now finished. So our Quiet Day was in the new sanctuary, which is beautiful! The indoor candle lit Labyrinth was set up in the hall where the old sanctuary was, the out door Labyrinth was, of course and as always, available. A lovely lunch was provided...reading materials were provided. There were materials to make a sand labyrinth with. Communion was served. Quiet music...spiritual direction. A day to meditate, to rest and feed the soul...

Except that Dreamweaver and I arrived at the church with a storm in our hearts. The day before in our local paper there was an article on the second page about the Episcopalian Diocese in SC possibly splitting over the GLBT issues that are shaking the denomination and we were very concerned and rattled by it. Dreamweaver in particular was shaken, as she is about to be a very brave little Episcopagan and actually JOIN this church as a communing confirmed member. And as the very visible Lesbian couple in the church - and the only gay couple that we are aware of - we were feeling very unsure - like a target painted on our backs! Dreamweaver went to Mother L in tears for spiritual direction.

She received assurances that the church would stand by us, that we were welcome, that Mother L and Father M were on top of the situation...and then the conversation exploded in her face. Dreamweaver asked what could we do to help...and Mother L, without realizing she was putting a match to gasoline, made the statement that we should not have Public Displays of Affection - no putting our arms around each other, etc, until the church got "used" to us...

Dreamweaver caught up with me later on our way down to lunch and told me. I came to a dead halt and felt like someone had just punched me in the gut - HARD. Don't touch, don't look like a gay couple, don't make anyone uncomfortable...I live my life in this town with my head cranked over my shoulder gauging where I am, who is near, is it safe to be near my wife. GLBT people live daily with these decisions - can I put the picture of my partner on my desk at work, or will it get me harassed and fired? Can I put my arm around my lover, or is this area of town safe - could I get lectured by someone, beaten up, raped, murdered? Is the person in the corner someone who knows other people that I am NOT out to - will kissing my partner on the cheek and holding hands Out me to people I choose not to be Out to. Sean Kennedy was murdered a block from where Dreamweaver was working at the time - his murderer got manslaughter, served virtually no jail time, the rest of the sentence aborted. His ugly gay bashing phone call after he killed Sean was inadmissible in court. ( http://www.seanslastwish.org/new_index.html) We live in a dangerous area of the country...

Church was my safe space. Years ago, when I first began attending, I caught Father M on the second time I was there and told him flat out I was gay, and asked if it was a problem...that if it was, I would just move on and keep church hunting. Father M hugged me and said that I was welcome as I am, and that there was no problem. Never have I felt so relieved, because I had fallen in love with this church. So for years I have been attending, quietly but openly gay- no flag waving, but no hiding either. My ex did not attend very often with me, which probably made it easier on folks to kind of ignore me, or not "see" what I am. Dreamweaver however, attends with me, and as I said earlier, is officially joining the church. Up until now, when our insane school schedules let us attend, we have sat together in the pew, with my arm around her, or holding hands, in the service, across the parking lot. I have felt safe. I have bragged that I attend a church where my love and I were welcomed and accepted as we are, a couple, a family, that we didn't have to hide, that this church has ministered to us as the Bible teaches - in love.

When I had my hip surgery, Mother L was at the hospital praying with Dreamweaver and my parents while they waited. When I got home and was recovering, the church brought us communion. When Gentle One and his wife who came to bring us communion saw our poverty and empty cupboards, he brought back enough groceries from the church to feed us for three months. When the electricity was about to be shut off, the church paid the bill. Indeed, my best guess is that over the last five years, they have financially helped with college book money, electric bill money, gas money, or just enough to keep the checking account from bouncing. Mother L, said this weekend that she wishes she could help us this fall, but the discretionary funds are empty and that distressed her. We didn't ask; but she knows our situation and we appreciated the fact that she wished she could help. In fact, a few times we asked for help, it didn't come from church money, but from Father M or Mother L's own wallet. Moreover, we right now have no means to give back the help that has been extended to us. Won't have it until we are out of college. (We both have had severe relationship/financial distress and changes in careers and have lost homes and financial stability. It won't always be this way. I have offered and will be donating a free mural to the church - I may not have money right now, but my talent and time is my tithe - when we move into our post college and grad school careers and stabilize, we will be paying forward by tithing to the discretionary fund account for those who come after us who are in similar condition). When I was under going one of the darkest periods of my life, I turned to Father M and received counseling, acceptance, and Christian love - the same from Mother L. This is a wonderful church - everything a church should be and more!

And all of a sudden, this. Don't be public. Don't be seen. Don't act like a couple publicly. I stood in the parking lot of the church and abruptly had tears pouring down my face. I kept telling myself the reaction was extreme, that this is a small thing, a misunderstanding, something we could accommodate if it would help...it did no good. I could not stop the tears, or the feeling I had been stabbed through the heart, or that my "safe" church, my heart's home was suddenly no longer safe. I stumbled through the rest of the day, unable to focus on the meditation, only finding some peace and centering when I walked the indoor Labyrinth. D. who was in charge of the Labyrinth - keeping candles lit, providing writing materials, and spiritual direction - began her walk in on the Labyrinth as I was walking out. We came together at a turn, and I stepped back to let her pass. She walked up to me and hugged me, profoundly and deeply - I clung to her for a moment, feeling the love and acceptance heal me somewhat.

Later in the day I cornered Mother L. and went through the same discussion - poor woman! - wanting confirmation of what I had heard, to see where she was really coming from.

Mother L was a school teacher before she became an Episcopalian Priest. She is a very reserved woman herself. I think she is not comfortable with public displays of affection from anyone - that this extends not from bigotry, but from her own natural reserve and perhaps ignorance of GLBT issues. Just because some one is an ally, does not necessarily mean they are educated on all the issues and impacts of this culture. She did say that she did not want to make us uncomfortable, and to not worry about what she had pointed out if it did. She also admitted she would not have so counseled a straight couple...that last brought a look of sudden dawning realization to her face - the beginning of understanding of what she had just done. She was loving and compassionate, and when I said one of my dreams was for Dreamweaver and I to marry in this church and for her and Father M and Mother L to perform the ceremony, she lit up and said she wished with all her heart that someday that could happen. No. Not hate or bigotry. Or lack of acceptance. Only misunderstanding and cultural blindness. That was all we had time for, as the day was drawing to a close, and the final communion ceremony was about to start.

Dreamweaver and I went home afterward, feeling that we had not quite had the spiritually restorative day we might have had. Sunday morning we rose and went to church. I almost could not walk in the door. I chose for this service to consider what Mother L. had said about our visibility and taking time to let people get used to us. So I did not put my arm around Dreamweaver in the service, or hold her hand going into the building. And before the service was half over, I was crying again, and could not stop the tears from running down my face. I grew up sitting in church with my family - my dads arm around my mother, my mom's arm around me - it was a part of being together as a family in worship and community. And I felt that this was being denied to us. And yet, as we left, other members of the congregation came to us and hugged us and greeted us...our home is still our home. Afterward, Mother L came to us, alarmed and concerned and threw her arms around us, and wanted to know if we needed to talk...we said that we wanted to later - we knew she and Father M had a meeting immediately after with Episcopal church leadership to discuss the article in the paper about GBLT issues and the Episcopal church split. I am sure Mother L went to that meeting shaken and thinking hard.

So where are we now? We will be talking to Mother L and Father M about GLBT issues, and getting them information. We will continue to sit together with our arms across each other shoulders. We will not back down, but neither will we become militant, or angry. This is our church, our home. These are our community and family. And as those who minister to us have done so, we will minister to them regarding the truths of being Gay in this world and culture. I feel better today - talking about with Dreamweaver, writing this post, talking with friends (THANK YOU Alissia!) have gone far to ease my heart. I have a button on a vest that I wear that says the Mahatma Gandhi quote - "we must be the change we wish to see in the world."

Our church is a human organization and flawed, a family, and heir to all the miscommunication and misunderstandings that humans are capable of. It is a church "under construction" and love is how we build it. So with love, I will begin...

This Special Day...

Six years ago today, we came together in the beginnings of what would become our marriage. We were both fairly battered by life's storms and neither of us had a clue that out of the chaos surrounding our beginnings would rise the most stable, precious, tender, passionate relationship that either of us have ever known!

In the middle of that chaos six years ago, as I lost ( I thought) everything - my previous relationship, my house, my car, my career - you gave me back faith in myself, that I once again I could believe that I was a whole person on my own, strong enough to stand on my own two feet. You believed in me, when I could not believe in myself, and even more important, you believed in us at a time when we were separated and broken up. Your faith, your love and your passion gave me hope and courage to come to you and to build a future with you. Yes, I am a whole person...but I also know what its like to live without you in my life, and I don't intend to ever have to do it again!

I treasure the memory of getting down on one knee, ring in my hand, to propose to you on stage, live mike, before a rowdy bar of lesbians! I treasure the memories of quiet days spent together, talking, touching, learning each others hearts...I can even - now that I am safely here in your arms treasure and laugh with you over some of the darker humored moments of the chaos of our beginning - such as you mowing the car! (inside joke, I know). I treasure so many moments, both large and small, from thrilling to mundane that we have shared together...and I treasure the joy of looking forward to a life time to share together, by grace and love....

You challenge me every day to be more, to be better, to grow and dream and think...you love me unconditionally, no matter what - even when I forget to put away the laundry, and get lost in an artists fog of creativity. You support my art and my dreams whole-heartedly, put up with paint everywhere, strange schedules as I work on murals and erratic paychecks. You come and sit with me and read to me and visit with me as I paint on walls...a wonderful shared thing!

You encouraged me to go back to school - one of the biggest, scariest steps I have ever taken - and have stood by me as I have struggled forward through power points, all nighters and 25 page term papers....

You have walked every step of the way with me through my own healing and recovery from trauma and abuse and never once flinched back from my own PTSD and flashbacks. You have honored my unexpected realization that I am dealing with Trans and GID issues, and are standing by me through this, despite your own fears and doubts - I believe they call that heroic courage!

You are my best friend, my lover, my wife...you share your spiritual journey with me, and walk with me in mine, creating a wholeness that is greater than the sum of it's parts. You keep me sane when my family makes me crazy, you let me cry on your shoulder at need. You think my boi self is cute and you are crazy about him, and you also love my feminine side when she giggles...

You accept me as I am. But maybe even more importantly, you unconditionally accept and love the person I am becoming, where ever my life's journey leads. I am so grateful that we found each other, that we are together, that our love is strong and has the experience and skills to survive and thrive for a life time...

Because I am going to spend that life time with you!

So, I guess the question is...whatcha doing in the next lifetime? Is that a date?

I love you with all my heart, and all that I am or ever will be.

Your best friend,

your lover,

your wife,

your artist,

your Tigger....

Always!

Cameron

New Blog Look...More on the Labyrinth

Today at my church we had a day of silent meditation, music, fellowship and spiritual direction. The church's indoor Labyrinth was set up for participants to walk - see the picture here. While I will share in a different post the experiences of the day, at the end of the day, and before the Labyrinth was rolled up and stored, I managed to get a picture taken of myself walking the Labyrinth. (not something I would do during the actual meditation of the day, as it would be disruptive and disrespectful to others also walking the pattern.) The picture turned out perfect. I wasn't actually thinking of using it for my blog title picture, however, when I got home and down loaded the shot to the computer, I looked at it and went "Wait a minute, that would - oh COOL!" and began editing and playing with the picture and the blog settings.

So now my blog, titled "Walking the Labyrinth" is backed by a picture of me walking a Labyrinth! Happy blogger here! Hope everyone likes the new look!

There are two Labyrinths at my church - one is available as a permanent outside installation that is open to ANYONE to walk, any time. The indoor canvass one is rolled up and stored between use. Both are patterned on the Chartres Cathedral Labyrinth in Chartres, France. In the 1200's, the Chartres Labyrinth was used as a pilgrimage site, and as a form of walking prayer meditation. However, the concept of the unicursal (one path - in and out) as well as the multicursal Labyrinth is far, far older. The tale of the Minotaur imprisoned by a multicursal labyrinth or "maze" built by Daedalus on the Ilse of Crete is well known. There are also many other labyrinths in many, many cultures across the world and many of these sites still exist. The purposes of the ancient Labyrinths can be speculated on - traps for monsters (the Minotaur), ritual journeys and ceremonies, prayer, sacred space...

Today, the concept of the Labyrinth is on the rise in this culture as a ritual form of walking prayer and meditation in sacred space...perhaps not too unlike its use in centuries past. Today is mine and Dreamweaver's sixth anniversary together! We spent the day at the church in meditation and walking the Labyrinth, sitting together in the center. Coincidentally enough, today is also another anniversary - eleven years ago, on August 15, 1998, I was the very first time I ever walked a Labyrinth at this very church, seeking to explore the concept. At the time I was not a member of the church, nor of it's denomination. I never dreamed that a decade later that I would be a member of that church! I found the experience of walking the pattern of the Labyrinth to be transformative...the following day, I wrote the words and music for "The Labyrinth Song" that appears on my side bar. For me, the Labyrinth is prayer, sacred space, meditation, ritual, all of that...and also it has become a personal metaphor for the journey of my life.

So, it is with much joy that I get to share with everyone the pictures of the Labyrinth, and I am thrilled that I got to walk it again, eleven years later to the day.

Labyrinth Song

W/m by Cameron

Refrain:

Spiral in, the journey takes us

Larger, greater, deep within

Than it's outer boundary marking

The lines upon the hearts of men.

Further up and further in-

Hear Creator's voice, a roar

Of all that lives and breathes and rushes

The beating pulse forevermore

Hear Creator's voice, a whisper

Beyond the living wall of flame

Beyond the rumbling roll of earthquake

As rocks themselves cry out the name!

(refrain)

Hold your hand above the center

Feel the power throbbing there

As the spiral draws you outward

Away from all you long to share

See your steps next to the ending

Know how close forever is

Yet the spiral pulls you inward

Away from unimagined bliss

(refrain)

Every step a painful journey

A throb of sorrow, a laugh of pain

Every tear you shed of gladness

Cleans the heart in bitter rain

Surrender therefore to your living

Dying daily, born again

Walk the spiral to the ending

To the Heart where it began.

(repeat refrain twice)

Be the Change...

Well, I found myself at it again. Last spring semester I spoke to my undergrad classmates about transgender issues, which was sort of a big step. It was publicly acknowledging another facet of my identity beyond being Gay, that I am trans, with a diagnosis of GID (according to the DSM at any rate. *snort*)
I was at that time nervous, and felt like I was really under a microscope. Fortunately, I also had fellow speakers to take over when I got tongue tied - a friend of mine whose partner is a successful FTM (post transition - unfortunately his work schedule kept him from attending) and my own partner, Dreamweaver. It turned out to be an excellent day, and I felt very positive about having done it.

A week ago, Dreamweaver was taking her graduate Sex Ed therapy class - a week long intensive that covered sexual issues that could come through a therapists door. Of course, gay and trans issues were covered. Dreamweavers teacher has an MTF person that she usually has come in to speak to the class, except that she could not make it. Dreamweaver spoke with the teacher and I suddenly at the very last possible moment, found myself speaking to a class room of graduate level therapist majors as a trans advocate. This happened so fast I did not have time to call my friends and get them into the picture with me and believe me I WANTED them there!

The difference between speaking to a graduate class studying therapy and an undergraduate psych class was amazing. Dreamweaver's class mates were focused on "what do we do as therapists" questions and asked a lot of them, all of them very perceptive and attentive. I was able to speak about the subject on a much higher level - I was able to address binary heteranormative issues and religious issues, and yes, people like me will come through your door, and not all of them want to transition. Yes it has affected my family ties, my job, my choices in life, even my relationship with Dreamweaver.

And I got in the point that I came to the class on fire to say - that sexuality, gender and orientation are so complex and varied, that no scale or box or schema can contain it...that each
person's combination of those things is as unique and individual as their own fingerprint! That is what I really wanted them to see...to get out side of the boxes, and the diagnoses and the preconceptions they might have about the GLBTQ community.

It was an amazing, wonderful and affirming experience - and I truly felt and Dreamweaver affirmed after talking to her class mates, that I did make a difference. The following day, the MTF woman was able to come speak to the class after all, so they got to meet her. And then at the end of the day, as the class were presenting their book discussions, Dreamweaver got to talk about the struggle to find material concerning GLBTQ sexual issues on the bookshelf (not on line - on the shelf. Big issue there!) and one of her other classmates stepped up and came out of the closet as a gay in her discussion.

All around, it was a highly successful scenario, even if I did have to wing it alone. Hopefully next time I can get enough warning to bring my friends. I am not sure where this will all lead me, but I am feeling that stir of this is important - pay attention - this connects with things you want to do with your life. We will see where the journey leads next on the Labyrinth...